JUST 4 LAUGHS: The Females You'll Meet Climbing
Miss Colour Coordinator
The shoes that match the helmet that match the harness that match the chalk bag that match all their other climbing shit. Gear all hues of one or two primary colours. This creates what is known as the 'Isolation Effect'. They. Fucking. Stand. Out. Hate it or admire it. The process of matching gear is a pain in the arse. Kudos to them for not giving up.
Miss. Wandering Crossfitter/Acrobat/Gymnast/Other
EXTREME POTENTIAL. Whatever the activity, they bring assets that are highly advantageous. Be that a pre-existing tendon and muscular strength or a ridiculous capacity to effortlessly bring their heel over their head. Usually physically strong, but don't seem to comprehend different routes. Not yet. Awful footwork. If climbing long enough will eventually develop a climbing eye and mind forgoing the dream of becoming the next Ninja Warrior, Calisthenics Queen or the like.
Ms. Climber's Girlfriend
Usually, accompanies partner to either indoor gym or outdoor crags. 50% chance they will put their shoes on. Presence potentially a conduit to keep an eye on their partner. Ensuring they don't romantically gravitate to typically friendly female climbers. Can be passive aggressive or just aggressive. At times become irritated with partners obsession with climbing and all things related. Some eventually accept it, even becoming climbers themselves. Others move onto non-climbing pastures.
Like their male counterpart, they do mean well but are more open to asking for advice and assistance. Still, you don't know why they boulder with a harness on.
For one reason or another have dedicated most if not all of their free time to climbing. Consequently find it difficult to be interested in much else, including sex. May possess climbing related tattoos and jewelry resembling carabiners, e-bolts and other climbing related paraphernalia. If fortunate enough to find a partner as avidly consumed as them, wild nights after weekend sendage ensues: also known euphemistically as a 'bit of cardio'.
Mrs. Yummy Mummy
The only indicator that The Yummy Mummy has had a child is the presence of the child itself. If not for that you wouldn't know. Always looks energetic. Friendly. Pleasing and appealing to the senses. Not only climbs well. Loves it. Like most climbers, they climb for sanity and active mindfulness.
Little Miss Hidden Dragon
Possesses a sweet and innocent disposition. Enthusiastic. However, get them climbing and they will crush not only your project but your ego. Probably half your weight... and more than half your age. But don't make excuses just because they crush your arse.